BPD Living With BPD Dealing With Shame When You Have BPD Understanding shame can be important for your health By Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and associate professor of psychology at Eastern Connecticut State University. Learn about our editorial process Updated on February 18, 2021 Medically reviewed Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more. by Akeem Marsh, MD Medically reviewed by Akeem Marsh, MD Akeem Marsh, MD, is a board-certified child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist who has dedicated his career to working with medically underserved communities. Learn about our Medical Review Board Print Gawrav Sinha / E+ / Getty Images Trending Videos Close this video player Shame is a powerful emotion that can cause people to feel defective, unacceptable, even damaged beyond repair. But how much do you know about shame? Read on to learn about the effect of shame on self-image and self-esteem as well as the behaviors it can cause in people with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Press Play for Advice On Dealing With Shame This episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares how to address your shame so you can move forward. Click below to listen now. Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts / Amazon Music Shame vs. Guilt You may sometimes confuse shame with guilt, a related but different emotion. Guilt is a feeling you get when you did something wrong, or perceived you did something wrong.Shame is a feeling that your whole self is wrong, and it may not be related to a specific behavior or event. When you feel guilty about the wrong thing you did, you can take steps to make up for it and put it behind you. But feeling shame, or being convinced that you are the thing that's wrong, offers no clear-cut way to "come back" to feeling more positive about yourself. That's one difference between shame and guilt. Guilt Feeling remorse or responsible for something you've done wrong or perceived you did wrong Relating to a specific action like making a mistake, committing an offense, or hurting someone (intentionally or unintentionally) Shame Feeling that you are bad, worthy of contempt, or inadequate as a person Relating to our behavior or self, often in relation to other people's opinions, not necessarily about a specific behavior or event 'I'm a Bad Person': Why You Might Feel This Way How Shame Happens From the day you were born, you were learning to feel that you were okay or not okay, accepted or not accepted, in your world. Your self-esteem was shaped by your daily experiences of being praised or criticized, lovingly disciplined or punished, taken care of or neglected. People who grow up in abusive environments can easily get the message that they are undeserving, inadequate, and inferior—in other words, that they should feel ashamed. Over time, intense feelings of shame can take hold of a person's self-image and create low self-esteem. Feelings of shame often stem from what other people think. The person may become super-sensitive to what feels like criticism, even if it isn't, and may feel rejected by others. Inside, they feel painful self-contempt and worthlessness. Researchers studying the role of biology in the development of shame-based low self-esteem are focusing some of their attention on serotonin, a neurotransmitter (chemical messenger) in the brain. They are exploring the possibility that low levels of serotonin may contribute to submissive behavior leading to feelings of shame. Evidence is increasing that serious problems can occur when shame gets deeply woven into a person's self-image and sense of self-worth. What Is Self-Concept? Shame for People With BPD Someone who feels deep-seated shame and low self-esteem may not realize that it's the motivation for many destructive behaviors, which can include substance abuse, eating disorders, road rage, domestic violence, and many other personal and social crises. People who experience traumatic events are also likely to feel shame, particularly if they blame themselves for what happened. In people with BPD, deep-seated shame may account, in part, for their higher rates of suicidal behavior and self-injury. Shame also affects men differently from women. It's said that men with shame-based low self-esteem tend to "act out" through anger and violent behavior toward others, while women "act in" by turning their feelings inward and hating themselves. If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911. For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database. 4 Sources Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. Guimón J, Las Hayas C, Guillén V, Boyra A, González-Pinto A. Shame, sensitivity to punishment and psychiatric disorders. The European Journal of Psychiatry. 2007 Jun;21(2):124-33. Dearing RL, Stuewig J, Tangney JP. On the importance of distinguishing shame from guilt: Relations to problematic alcohol and drug use. Addict Behav. 2005;30(7):1392-404. doi:10.1016/j.addbeh.2005.02.002 Mills RS. Taking stock of the developmental literature on shame. Developmental Review. 2005 Mar 1;25(1):26-63. doi:10.1016/j.dr.2004.08.001 Brown MZ, Linehan MM, Comtois KA, Murray A, Chapman AL. Shame as a prospective predictor of self-inflicted injury in borderline personality disorder: A multi-modal analysis. Behav Res Ther. 2009;47(10):815-22. PMID: 19596223 By Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and associate professor of psychology at Eastern Connecticut State University. See Our Editorial Process Meet Our Review Board Share Feedback Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! What is your feedback? Helpful Report an Error Other Submit