Why do I seem to relapse just when things seem to get better?

Question: Why do I seem to relapse just when things seem to get better?

I have been working hard in therapy, and seem to be making some progress. But it seems that often just when I feel that there is a flicker of light at the end of the tunnel, I relapse. Everything goes back to the beginning. Why do I slip up, will I ever be non-borderline?

Answer:

Relapses can be upsetting, but it is important to remember that a relapse does not mean that you have gone back to the beginning. It simply means that you have experienced a symptom of your existing BPD, maybe one that you had not experienced for a while. The progress that you have made in therapy is not erased. Instead, problematic symptoms were simply triggered and reappeared.

It can actually be the progress you have made in therapy that is triggering the relapses. Progress is the result of your hard work and use of your improved coping skills, it can also result in fears and anxiety that the people who have become so important in your life will leave as they will feel that they are no longer needed. In other words, it may be that as you are becoming healthier, you are triggering your fears of abandonment, which can result in a relapse. The relapse is a response to the fear and anxiety, and can be an effort, even an unconscious one, to keep helpful supportive people near and involved.

It is important to discuss your relapses as well as successes with your therapist. Together you may be able to determine what is triggering your relapses and help you better plan for them. Discussing the relapses will also give you a chance to discuss how and when termination of therapy will occur. It is important to be reassured that therapy is not going to end before you are ready and to develop methods to gain the needed reassurance before the fear and anxiety become overwhelming.