1. Health

Readers Respond: Experiences of BPD and Cheating

Responses: 4

By

Updated June 06, 2011

Is there a connection between BPD and cheating? Many partners and spouses of people with BPD relate stories of their BPD partner engaging in infidelity. Have you had a BPD partner who cheated on you? Or, do you have BPD and do you feel it led you to cheat? Readers share their experiences of BPD and cheating.

BPD does not "cause" cheating

I have BPD and have been married 3 times. Never once did I ever cheat on my husband, and I don't think there is anything that would have led me to ever cheat on him.
—Guest Not a cheat

BPD and infidelity

I am a spouse whose BPD husband has had 3 affairs in our 38 year marriage, the last one recently. Yes, BPD is the driver in these events and is the only reason I am still in the relationship. I moved away after I found out about this recent one (which was primarily online although they had been in each other's presence for business reasons) which led to him actively seeking therapy.
—Guest BPD and infidelity

Cheating

I believe that anything which appears to offer relief from the symptoms of BPD will be tempting to a BPD sufferer. I have been diagnosed with BPD and there are times I feel truly awful. I havent cheated but did become very attached to a female therapist who I thought could take away all my pain if only I could be with her all the time. Not in a sexual way, just be able to talk to her. I understand now that other people or things cannot relieve the pain inside me. I can only do that myself through self acceptance. DBT has helped me with this. No-one else can save you. You save yourself or remain unsaved.
—Guest Hello

Cheated on!!!!

I have been cheated on in almost every relationship I've had. Is it because I'm attracted to other "damaged" souls or because I view life in black and white/right and wrong? That is probably a question that will never be answered but I can say that the damage done to my self-worth/self-esteem was exceedingly higher than for someone NOT living with BPD. It has taken MANY years of therapy to recover from and recognize the damage I do to myself (over-eating/depression/rage) and others when the cheating occurs.
—Guest Today

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.

We comply with the HONcode standard
for trustworthy health
information: verify here.