Do you often ask yourself "who am i?" What is my place in the world? Do I even exist? If you do, you are not alone. Many people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) struggle with identity problems. The identity issues in BPD can be hard to describe to other people. How do you let other people know what it is like to struggle with your identity? What are your "identity problems" like? Have you found any way to connect with a stronger sense of self?
I'm in the Middle of Nothing
- I'm 13, and I know I'm young, but I feel like I can't fit anywhere. I'm just studying and going to school, that's pretty much it. No life, and I become so jealous when I see people hanging out in school. I feel like I'm nothing. I feel like I'm in the middle of nothing. So what that my average is 95.2? It doesn't help me to have fun.
- —Guest Anonymous
Really!? Who Am I?
- I am 46 and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up because I don't know who I am. I was never allowed to be myself as a child (abusive background) so I never learned identity or self esteem. It is still a struggle as I am trying to discover who I am.
- —Guest pepperstorm
- It is just a matter of why I exist. I don't want to be here in this world; I just want to be away from people. I feel like I don't belong to this world...It is me without a name, without a place, without a time. I'm a ghost.
- —Guest oscar_83
BPD identity: plug-in-and-play
- I recently had a close friendship with a woman with BPD, which turned romantic after a year, and dissolved spectacularly 3 months later. One thing I noticed was that her opinions on really big issues - her spiritual/philosophical position, her political affiliations, and even her sexuality, changed according to whoever she spent time with. She would read voraciously, almost to fill a void, and would take on characteristics and expressions from the characters she read about. Nothing would be "right" unless she could find it written in a book somewhere. predominantly though she would read radical feminist theory and feminism-influenced literature - Doris Lessing was a favourite - and fantasy novels. I think her interest in feminism aligned with her view that men were intrinsically exploitative and untrustworthy (and yes she had been abused as a child by her father), and so feminist schools of thought which espoused this concept became an important grounding for her identity.
- —Guest Tiggy
WHO AM I?
- Great Subject! I have TOTALLY struggled and am still struggling with this problem of self-identity. I think that due to the conditions being "right" for me to develop BPD as a child in my family of origin home, this pre-existing instability was worsened by the fact that at the early age of 6 or 7 (noting that the first 7 years of one's life is when the "personality" is formed;) I began weekly bible studies with the Jehovah's Witnesses as per my mum's wishes. Mum worked full time and due to her own issues, I suspect, delegated this task of spiritual education to a couple of missionaries. At the age of 6 or 7, I began to be indoctrinated with the idea that I, on my own, was not enough. My individual appropriateness to life was questioned, I feel.
- —Guest SweetPeas64